On Sunday, July 21, at First Baptist, I announced that my young, unmarried daughter is pregnant. I love my precious girl more than I can communicate in words and would have preferred to keep this information private. However, the nature of my ministry means that the consequences of her private sin will be more public than it would be for most young women in her situation. I am sharing this information with the approval of her and the rest of our family. We all know that in short order, the nature of her sin will be obvious, but the nature of her repentance will not be unless you hear it from me.

If you missed it, you can watch the announcement here:

I will not repeat in this space things I said there. But I do want to communicate a few additional realities here.

Our family’s journey to discovering this information began several weeks ago when my daughter confessed to a sinful sexual encounter with a young man she had been seeing. She confessed in tears and was profoundly sad by what she had done. We wept and prayed together. In the days that ensued, she eagerly accepted our counsel, sought Jesus’ forgiveness, received the stiff consequences we imposed for her actions, and began seeking help from others in our church.

It was in the midst of this process that we learned of her pregnancy.

As our family is walking through this time, I want to share three things that I am doing in these days.

Listening

Upon learning this news, the first thing my wife and I did was reach out to people we love and trust in our church family. We have shared our hurt and confusion and have made clear that my commitment in these days is to listen and follow advice. In particular, I have been listening carefully to three groups of people.

The first group is the pastors I serve with at First Baptist. The second group is a team of lay leaders in our church who work to hold me accountable. Both of these groups have been a source of wisdom, encouragement, and comfort. I have been more thankful for them than I know how to share.

Both of these groups encouraged me to reach out to other pastors around the country who have walked a similar road. I have done that and been immeasurably helped by the counsel of several men who have walked the road I currently am and who have wisdom and grace to show for their journey through a difficulty like this.

None of us can make our kids avoid every manifestation of human sinfulness, but pastors are called to manage their homes and families well (1 Timothy 3:4-5; Titus 1:6). One of the ways I am working to manage this situation is by listening carefully to the wisdom God has placed around me.

Loving

These days have been filled with a lot of pain for the people that mean the most in the world to me. In these days, I am focusing on loving my precious daughter whose sin has led her into an overwhelming world she never anticipated. I am focusing on loving my wife and two sons, who have been disoriented by this news. I am also working to love the man I now know as the father of my grandchild. He has been guilty of significant sin, but, as I have shared with him, his sins may be different than mine, but they are not worse. He asked the Lord for forgiveness and received it. He also asked me, my daughter, and our family for forgiveness. He has received it. A lesser man would have run away from this kind of trouble. But this young man has responded to an overwhelming situation with courage and grace. I have great personal respect for him and the way he is conducting himself in this situation.

He and my daughter are now independently working on their relationships with the Lord. We are discerning what the best path forward is for their relationship. Our priorities are to help everyone grow close to Jesus and prepare the best possible environment for the child we will welcome after the first of the year. My commitment to my family is that I will do anything in my power to help bring these things about.

Trusting

At the age of 44, I am a grandfather. That is something I did not ask for and would not have sought. But that’s the way life works. I am thankful that God works according to Romans 8:28, “We know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” I am trusting in those words with all my heart. I know God is going to bring good out of this situation. I can see that he already is.

His power is so incredible that he is able to take the sin of two teenagers and bring wonderful things from it. I have seen some of that good in the miracle of repentance. In a few short months, I will see more of that goodness in the birth of a child—my grandchild.

When my incredible daughter was born, I kissed her, looked into her face, and said, “I am your daddy, and I am going to love you forever.” That was a promise that I am keeping to this day. And it is a promise I am going to make to her baby. When that glorious child is born, I am going to take that gift in my arms, stare into that precious face, and say, “I am your poppy, and I am going to love you forever.”

My grief over the sin that led us to this point does not in any way diminish my love for my daughter, my joy over the glorious gift of life, or my trust in the Lord, who promises to redeem all our failures.