Prayer is hard. Christians know they should pray, but many have a complicated relationship with it. For some, prayer lives in the background of a busy life. The hectic pace of work or family pushes prayer to the periphery. These Christians often feel guilty about prayer. A convicting sermon or conversation leads them to try harder. They make a list, get up earlier, and try to follow the ACTS model (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication). But before long, their list is missing, they hit snooze again, and as soon as they start the act of adoration, the tasks of the day flood their mind, and prayer fades into the background of church and mealtimes. Prayer is hard, and the thought of trying to grow leaves them feeling ashamed.

The good news is that even though prayer is hard, God has supplied everything we need to thrive in communion with him. No matter what your relationship with prayer has been, you can grow. God’s grace through Christ is big enough to forgive you and strong enough to help you. In order for us to see our desperate need for Jesus’ help, we must reckon with our sickness that Jesus came to address (Matthew 9:12-13). To clearly understand your relationship with prayer and (more importantly) with God, you must honestly answer this question; “Why do I not pray?” For many of us, the answer to this question is functional independence.

Christians depend on Jesus Christ for life and fruitfulness, yet our lack of prayer reveals an unsettling reality. Our marginal prayer life exposes our functional independence. We live the details of our lives as if we do not need the Lord. Anxious toil feels more productive than prayer, so we tackle our busy schedules with all the effort we can muster. When our lives are reeling and rocking in stormy chaos, we desperately turn to the Lord, only to forget him when the sailing is smooth. We sing “Lord, I Need You” on Sunday only to awake Monday with our lives shouting, “Self, I need you.” We do not pray because we live lives that are functionally independent of God.

John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” In this passage, Jesus uses powerful imagery to help us see an invisible spiritual reality. Jesus tells me I am like a gentle leaf blowing in the wind outside my window. I may feel independent, but like the leaf with the tree, I am utterly dependent on Jesus for my life, breath, and being. I can do nothing without the one who holds the universe together. My life will be fruitless and lifeless without the living water that comes to me through Christ.

If you are sick with functional independence there is great hope. Remember that Jesus came for sinners, not the righteous, and no one prayed like Jesus. The first chapter of Mark describes Jesus’ first day of public ministry. His day was brimming with busyness. At sundown, the whole city of Capernaum gathered at the door of Peter and Andrew’s house. Jesus healed the sick and the demon-possessed late into the night. The next verse is breathtaking for those who, like me, struggle with functional independence. Instead of sleeping in, the verse says, “And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed (Mark 1:35).”

Brother or sister in Christ, your savior depended on his Father for every step, and his righteousness covers you. Do not grow weary in your desire to grow in prayer. As you repent of your functional independence and confess it to the Lord, you will find grace and help. After all, even our most fervent prayers are made righteous by the blood of the Master of prayer.

If you struggle with functional independence, I want to encourage you with one practical tip. When you sit down to pray, and your mind begins running to all the items on your to-do list, express your total dependence on the Lord by praying about those things. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God (admit your dependence) and then cast your anxieties on him (1 Peter 5:6-7). Your Father cares about you and the burdens on your mind. Instead of forcing your mind back to prayer, pray about what your mind is running to.

Prayer may be hard, but we can confess our functional independence, relish the grace we receive through Christ, and humbly approach the throne of grace where we are promised help in our time of need.