Disappointment and Disgust

I learned of Steve Lawson’s “inappropriate relationship” the way I usually learn of news in evangelicalism: through text message. I was in a meeting when my phone started shaking with texts from friends all over the country. Those messages fit into the broad categories of disappointment and disgust.

Some were heartbroken by the news of disqualifying sin in the life of a man who had meant so much to them. They know this creates pain in the lives of everyone involved and feel overwhelmed by it all. Others were angered by the latest black mark on the reputation of the church from a man who was not what he appeared to be. The nature of Lawson’s sin is unclear, but for many of us, these problems are starting to feel like an epidemic destroying individuals, families, congregations, and the reputation of Jesus.

The problem comes at the intersection of three realities. First, God calls pastors to a high standard, making moral purity a requirement for their job. Second, everyone understands this higher standard by instinct, even if they can’t quote the chapter and verse of Scripture where it is found (it is in 1 Timothy 3:2, to name just one place). Third, pastors seem to keep falling short of this standard, exposing themselves, their families, those with whom they sin, and the ministries they lead all to public disgrace.

But this painful time of exposure can also be a time of learning, growth, repentance, and preparation for ministers of the gospel and the people they lead. Here are some words of advice for each of those groups.

Advice for Pastors

Let me start with the pastors because this is on us. It is pastors who are responsible to God for deceiving their families, misleading those with whom they sin, and doing so much damage to their congregations. And all this pain is absolutely avoidable.

Think about it. A man who wants to be a pastor but who struggles with sexual sin could simply avoid the ministry altogether. In fact, if you’re one of those potential future pastors who struggles in this area, it is in your power right now to move in the direction of a different occupation. I would plead with you to have mercy on your future congregation and do this.

But many won’t, and many don’t.

Avoiding ministry is not the only option for a pastor fighting for sexual purity. It is also possible to be completely honest about your sins and temptations before you get involved in a sinful relationship. Everyone has someone to whom they can disclose their struggles and receive wisdom and care. In fact, if you’re in ministry and struggling for purity, I would encourage you to do this. All sin is easier to address and confess in the early stages than in the more advanced ones. You should ask for help honestly and early. You could ask for help right now.

But many won’t, and many don’t.

The Question of Why

Why do pastors do this? Why do they allow this to happen when the encouragements and warnings against it are visible everywhere? Why do they choose—yes, choose—to inflict this pain on so many when other options are available?

The answer is that they want to keep their sin and their ministry. This is as sinful as it is stupid. It is sinful because you are placing your desire for corrupt sex above God’s demand for moral purity in pastoral ministry. It is stupid because you are not going to be the one guy who figures out how to keep this a secret.

Time to Come Clean

If you are one of those pastors, I want to speak directly to you. When you feel the reverberations of stabbing pain go through your heart every time you encounter the exposure of sin in the life of another pastor, it is absolutely crucial for you to know the difference between fear and repentance. Both fear and repentance can create discomfort, but they lead in very different directions. Fear leads toward denial, pride, cover-up, and—eventually—shame and exposure. Repentance leads towards Jesus, loving him more than you love your sin, and a determination to honor him in your actions even when that is hard.

I hope you will respond to this with repentance. I hope you will not see this recent exposure as a call to feel fruitless guilt and to feverishly try—again—to cover your tracks. You need to come clean right now. Talk to the Lord and ask for his help and forgiveness. Believe that when you come to him in faith, he will forgive you, cleanse your unrighteousness, and give you strength, to be honest with everyone else (1 John 1:9). You should reach out to him right now as well as someone else who can help. You don’t even need to think too hard about it. None of your rationalizations will help you in the long run. Just reach out for help right now.

Those who will not do this need to know for a fact that if you won’t kill your sin, God is going to kill your ministry. I promise he will. God is simply not going to allow you to use his church as a platform for your sin and pride. What it means that “God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6) is that your ministry might just be the next one he tears down.

Advice to Church Members

I also want to give a word to those Christians who are disgusted and disappointed. First, you should know that it is right for you to respond with such negative emotions. No pastor is or ever could be perfect, but it is entirely proper that you would expect integrity and sexual purity from those who serve in the ministry. Second, you should be encouraged that—even though these kinds of exposures feel like an epidemic lately—it really is true that the vast majority of pastors are serving with integrity and faithfulness. You should not allow the sins of a few to make you suspicious of the many. You may even want to thank your pastor this week for serving with integrity and faithfulness.

In fact, I actually think this is a time for Christians to be encouraged. Even these painful exposures are encouraging in their own way because it means God is purifying his church. Whenever these exposures happen, it is an instance of us discovering sinfulness the sovereign God knew about all along and was determined to address. God will not be mocked, he loves his church, and he will see to it that the shepherds of his people are pure and holy—even if he must thin the herd.

That is what we are seeing today and what we will see the next time this happens. That fact is an encouragement to anyone who desires holiness and purity in the ministry. And it is sobering to all of us in ministry—especially those concealing sin.