Why Am I Afraid of Having More Kids?

Are Babies Bad?

“Have more babies than you can afford.” Those were the words of Erika Kirk spoken at the memorial service of her recently assassinated husband, Charlie. Her words were shocking. Not because I disagreed but because they were so refreshingly pro-baby.

In a single sentence, Erika subverted a major tenet of secular culture: babies are bad. Our current thought leaders say, “Children are a drag on your freedom and if you have kids, by all means, please don’t have very many!”

I believe Christian couples would do well to reject that vision and embrace Erika’s advice, however hyperbolic, because the spirit of what she said is profoundly biblical. Babies are not bad but are a gift from God, and the couple who has lots of them is blessed (Psalm 127:3-5).

But when it comes to having more babies, it’s not uncommon for Christian couples to wrestle with fear. They believe Psalm 127. They love babies. They want to have more. But at the same time, they wrestle with real fear, and this fear prevents them from bringing more image-bearers into the world.

Two Qualifications

Before I address some of these fears, I want to provide two important qualifiers.

First, while the Bible teaches that marriage is for making babies (Genesis 1:27-28), it does not provide a specific number of how many babies a marriage should produce. There is freedom here.

Second, every family situation is different. There are legitimate biblical reasons that could lead a couple to limit how many babies they bring into the world. I am not arguing that Christian couples should have the maximum number of babies possible. I am arguing that couples should consider having more, especially if a big reason for not having more is fear.

Having laid down these qualifiers, I want to address three specific fears that can hold back Christian couples from having more babies.

Fear #1 | We’re afraid of the practical challenges and stress more babies will bring.

The culture does get one thing right: having babies makes your life complicated.

Even a single baby introduces a multitude of practical challenges: middle-of-the-night diaper changes and feedings, chaotic mealtimes that include occasional flying spaghetti, car seat installs that take forever, poorly timed blowouts, and that’s just one baby!

Adding more only multiplies the concerns: If we have more babies, how will we fit in our current vehicle? Do we have enough space in our home? How will we pay for college? How will our budget sustain the addition of more kids?

These are not insignificant questions, and every couple must work through them.

If you and your spouse are navigating these concerns, here is a promise for you to consider. In Matthew 6:25-34, God promises to provide for your every need. In this passage, Jesus speaks into so many of the calculations we make when weighing whether to have more babies. Jesus tells his people not to be anxious about food, clothing, and provisions. He then explains why we shouldn’t worry:

“For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:32-33).

God doesn’t add a disclaimer: “This only applies if you stop at two kids. Anymore and you’re on your own!” No, he makes a sweeping promise to provide for all your needs as you seek first his kingdom and righteousness. To be clear, Jesus doesn’t promise that you will live in luxury, but he does promise that you will receive exactly what you need.

Fear #2 | We’re afraid of potential health risks and complications.

Christian couples can also struggle with the fear of potential health risks.

“What if our baby develops a significant birth defect or life-threatening condition?” “What if we get pregnant but lose the child?” “What if we make the big announcement but have to backtrack?”

These fears can lead couples who would otherwise have more children to decide against trying for more. This is becoming an increasingly common issue as the maternal age in the US steadily increases.

Couples in this position can fight fear by reflecting on God’s character, specifically his attributes of sovereignty and love.

God is in total control over all things (Isaiah 46:9-10). This control includes the big things, like world history, and the little things, like knitting infants together in a mother’s womb. From the moment of fertilization to the final week of gestation, Jesus Christ is sovereign over the entire process. This means no child is an accident or a mistake. Every single baby is created with intentionality by an all-wise sovereign God (Psalm 139:13–16).

God is not just sovereign. He is also committed to giving good things to his people. His intention for our good is seen most clearly in the act of God giving us his Son. “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32).

When it comes to your family, Jesus Christ will exercise his infinite wisdom by giving you the exact baby that he wants you to have. His goal in giving this particular child is not to hurt or harm us but to seek our good.

This doesn’t mean that each baby will be a source of endless joy and delight. There will be difficulties with every child, no matter who they are. While this is true, God’s intention is always our good, specifically that we would grow in Christlikeness (Romans 8:29).

When a Christian couple begins embracing both God’s absolute control over knitting babies in the womb and his commitment to seeking their good, fear will not thrive in that environment.

Fear #3 | We’re afraid of bringing more children into such a dark culture.

Some couples look at the state of the culture and ask: “Why would I want to bring a child into such a dark and godless culture?”

Christian couples can address this fear by remembering what kids are for.

Jesus wants our babies to become Christians who light up the darkness with the message of Christ crucified and risen. When the Bible describes children as “arrows” in Psalm 127, the image teaches us that babies are supposed to be discipled, raised up to spiritual maturity, and then launched out of the home into the world to be disciple-makers (Matthew 28:18-20).

I believe there has never been a more exciting time to raise children than this moment in history. The darkness of the culture should motivate us to have more babies, disciple those babies, and send them out to light up the darkness with the message of the gospel.

Conclusion

Babies are a blessing. I want our church to embody this truth by having lots of them. At the same time, considering having more babies can be scary. As Christians, we want the Bible to guide and shape all of our life choices. By God’s grace, fear will not be a factor in that decision-making process. That way, even if we do not literally “have more babies than we can afford,” we will capture the spirit of Erika’s words.