Why Am I Afraid of Being Vulnerable at Church?

A Risk Worth Taking

For most of my life, I have loved surfing. There is something about standing up on a surfboard and riding a wave that thrills me.

But one of the lessons I’ve learned is that to enjoy surfing, you have to figure out how to overcome fear. When you jump into the ocean to ride a 10-foot wave, you are taking a significant risk. I could tell you stories and show you scars to prove it.

So how do surfers overcome the fear of riding big waves? One of the main ways is by recognizing that the risk is worth it. The risk is real. You can get seriously hurt. But the reward is worth the risk. The absolute exhilaration you experience is worth the moderate danger you put yourself in.

You might not agree with this calculation that surfers make, but the principle remains true: in life, there are some risks that are worth taking.

I believe that being vulnerable at church is one of those risks.

The reality is that, like surfing, being vulnerable really is risky business. When you ask a friend to pray for you about an area of suffering in your life, you are taking a risk: they might say something that hurts you, they might forget to pray for you, or they might make light of your pain. Most people have experienced, at some point in their lives, the risks involved in being vulnerable with others.

The fear of experiencing these risks causes many people to avoid it altogether. They are so afraid of what might happen if they lean into genuine relationships that they completely close themselves off.

But I believe this is a mistake. I want to convince you that engaging in real, vulnerable relationships at church is a risk worth taking.

Don’t Believe These Lies

Whenever I tell people I enjoy surfing, one of the common questions I get is, “Aren’t you afraid of sharks?”

Behind this question is a lie. Classic movies like Jaws and cultural staples like Discovery Channel’s Shark Week have convinced everyone that if you get into the ocean, you’re probably going to suffer a horrible shark attack. But the reality is that you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning (1 in 500,000) than getting bitten by a shark (1 in 3.25 million).[1]

And yet, this lie about shark attacks keeps many people out of the water.

The same type of thing happens with being vulnerable at church. There are some very common lies that keep us out of the pleasant waters of genuine relationships in church.

Let me mention a few of them:

Lie #1: “I can’t trust anyone.”

If you spend just a couple of minutes looking at what people say online about church, you’ll find that social media sites and blogs are filled with stories of “church hurt.” If this were all you knew about church, you’d think that when you go to church, you’re signing up to get lied about, gossiped about, and mistreated. While it is true that this kind of mistreatment can happen at church, many fall prey to the lie that you are better off in isolation. But Scripture tells us a different story: “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment” (Proverbs 18:1).

Lie #2: “I can do this alone.”

Many of us are plagued with a false sense of bravado. We think that sharing our struggles with others is a sign of weakness. And so, when we get a bad diagnosis or end up in the hospital or get entangled in a losing battle with sin, we think, “I can handle this on my own. I don’t need anyone’s help.”

Lie #3: “My sin is too big.”

In Revelation 12, the devil is described as “the accuser of our brothers” (v. 10). One of the schemes he often deploys against Christians is deceiving them into believing that their sin has taken them beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness. This false sense of condemnation can lead us to isolate ourselves from relationships with other Christians. We begin to think our sin is too big to bring into the light.

Like the lie about sharks, these lies are not based on the truth. What matters most isn’t what others say or what we say or what the devil says. What matters most is what God says.

What does God say about relationships in the church? God says that the church is a body in which each member builds the other up in the love of Christ (Ephesians 4:15-16). God says your relationships in the church are a shield that protects you from the deceitfulness of sin (Hebrews 3:13). God says that the church is a hospital where sick sinners experience healing and broken sufferers receive care (Galatians 6:1-2).

Don’t let these common lies keep you from jumping into the ocean of grace that God has in store for those who engage in genuine, vulnerable relationships at church!

Don’t Miss This Blessing

Over the years, I have had the privilege of teaching dozens of people to surf. This experience has taught me that the joy of surfing is something that is best experienced, not described. It is difficult to communicate the elation you feel when riding a wave. But if you just do it one time, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. That’s why many people catch the “surfing bug” after just one wave. They get a small taste, and suddenly they are hungry for more.

The blessing you receive from relationships in church is like this. The joy of life together with brothers and sisters in Christ is something that is best experienced, not described. Once you’ve experienced it, you couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to miss out on it.

I have seen this most potently in the lives of Christians who are suffering. As a pastor, I am regularly with people during the most difficult moments of their lives. But in those moments, I’ve heard countless Christians say the same thing: “I don’t know how I could have made it without my church family.”

When we are most vulnerable, the blessing of God’s people is most powerful.

When you are experiencing the worst day of your life, there is a unique comfort that comes from knowing that there are people in your life who love you, who know you, who are praying for you, and who are ready to serve you.

Don’t miss out on this blessing. There is an ocean of God’s grace available for you in relationships at church. Jump into it today!

[1]https://enviroliteracy.org/is-it-more-likely-to-be-bitten-by-a-shark-or-struck-by-lightning/?utm_source=chatgpt.com