Grieving Like the Psalmists

For all of human civilization, death has been a regular part of life, one that you couldn’t escape. In our modern times, we avoid suffering at all costs. We simply don’t know how to lament biblically.

I want to offer you a helpful way to pray through your grief biblically by using the lament Psalms. Read Psalm 13 and see the pattern of biblical grief; I call it the H.O.L.Y. method of praying the lament Psalms.

H.O.L.Y. Lament

1. Honestly Call Out (Psalm 13:1-2)

The first step in praying the lament Psalms is to honestly call out to the Lord in your grief. In the lament Psalms, the writers are brutally honest with their pain. David speaks in the first two verses of Psalm 13 as if God has abandoned him. In any painful moments, it can certainly feel that way.

The Psalmist shows us that the biblical way to grieve is not to stay in your sorrow. Pray as passionately as David prays in his grief! God invites his children to call out honestly to him and to say what is truly on our hearts. But we cannot stay here; we must watch how David moves through his lament Psalm.

2. Admit You Are Overwhelmed (Psalm 13:3-4)

The next step in grieving biblically is to acknowledge that you are overwhelmed in your pain. If we cry out to the Lord without realizing our own powerlessness, we will begin to believe we can fix our own problems. This lie destroys the lament process.

To biblically grieve, we must find our solace and grounding in God alone, but this process won’t work if we think we are God! If we believe that we can save ourselves from our grief, then what need is there for God? The Christian must confess that we are helpless children in need of our heavenly father (Matthew 6:9-13).

As sinners, we are tempted to rely on our own strength rather than admit what is abundantly apparent: that we are unable to save ourselves. This is true despite our strength, wealth, connections, and whatever else might blind us. The first step toward trusting in the Lord is admitting that you cannot trust yourself. This step is vital, but not the end of the lamenting process.

3. Linger On Who God Is and What He Has Done (Psalm 13:5)

Once we confess our need for God, then we should remind ourselves of everything that God has given us. This is the wisdom of the house of mourning (Ecclesiastes 7:2): Remembering the brevity of life and dwelling on how gracious God is to his people.

When you attend a funeral, you are told wonderful stories about the person and memories of their life that create new joys. Some of the most impactful moments in my life have been when I am reminiscing at a funeral on how much God has used that person in my life. God does this with the lament Psalms.

In moments of hopelessness and despair, we should renew our minds with the promises and works of God (Ephesians 1:3-2:10; Romans 12:1-2). I am confident you could tell me stories of God’s faithfulness to you in prior difficulties; you should meditate on God’s faithfulness to you in these times. God was at work then, and he is at work now. Lingering on God’s promises and works will lead us to the last stage of the lament Psalm’s pattern.

4. Yield to God’s Timing and Work (Psalm 13:6)

At the end of the day, grief must turn into trusting the Lord, or it will fester and rot. David commenced Psalm 13 by crying out to the Lord in a state of almost hopeless despair, and now that is contrasted with David singing! The new song that David sings is one of redemption. Lament Psalms were never meant to keep us in grief, but to move us further up and further into God’s sovereign love.

In our culture, we are told to either fix it ourselves or crumble under the weight of the suffering. However, the Lord calls us to cast our burdens upon him and let him carry them for us (Psalm 55:22). When you pray the lament Psalms using the H.O.L.Y. method of prayer, it should lead you to pouring out your heart to the Lord and then entrusting your entire life to him (Psalm 42:4).

As Christians, we yield our lives to the Lord, knowing that in due time he will provide for our needs (Matthew 6:25-34). We do this in a myriad of ways: meditating on the truths of God’s Word, fellowship with believers, worship on the Lord’s Day, prayer, fasting, receiving the Lord’s Supper, and more. Christians know that God can take our grief because Jesus Christ has already done this at the cross for sinners like you and me (Isaiah 53:3–4). God becomes the fortress of our souls through the grief we experience (Proverbs 18:10)

The Use of Jesus’ Suffering

Paul says in Romans 8:18, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” How can this be true when this world is filled with so much pain and sorrow?

Consider the most significant moment in human history, where the righteous Son of God was murdered unfairly. Even before Jesus’ crucifixion, he saw the joy that was to come because of his undeserved death (Hebrews 12:2). Jesus saw what the other side of the worst anguish would mean: Eternal life for those who trust in his name. They would receive joy inexpressible (Isaiah 53:11). If God can use the misery of the cross, I am confident that he will redeem your suffering. This begins as we start using his Word, specifically the lament Psalms, to learn how to grieve as the Psalmists grieved.

First Baptist will be offering a small group class on how to grieve biblically in the Spring of 2026. If you are interested in coming to this class, please email PastoralC@fbcjax.com.