Challenges of Love and Authority on Church Teams

The Tension Between Love and Authority

A few weeks ago, a pastor at one of the Weekend Workshops for the First Baptist Center for Ministry Training asked an interesting question. After spending several days with our pastoral team, he was amazed at how much love existed on our team. In particular, he noticed the close relationships of love that exist between those in authority and those under authority. He said he had never seen people having such close relationships with their bosses. He wondered how we did that.

Behind his question is the awareness of a unique tension in the relationships Christians have at work.

On the one hand, all Christians are called to love one another as they have been loved by Jesus (John 13:34). This love is the proof that we are Jesus’s disciples (John 13:35). On the other hand, Christians are called to submit to those in authority over them—especially when that authority is spiritual in nature (Hebrews 13:17).

Love and authority do not create a necessary tension, but in a sinful world, they often appear to be in conflict. The difficulty is related to the issue of mutuality. In most of our adult relationships at church, the love we are called to have for others happens in an environment of functional equality. It can be easier for Christians to figure out how to love one another when that love happens on a level playing field.

The presence of authority changes those dynamics. The kind of authority present in our work relationships often brings out issues of pride, frustration, jealousy, hurt feelings, and competition that challenge the biblical call to love.

Because we cannot eliminate the presence of authority at work, some people try to solve this tension by avoiding close friendships at their place of service. There is a principled problem with this as well as a practical one. The principled problem is that such an approach behaves as though love and authority are in necessary tension with one another. This cannot be true since Jesus, the possessor of all authority, calls his followers his friends (John 15:15). The practical mistake is that such a decision limits the kind of love and friendship that we really must have on a church staff. Ministers of the gospel who cannot show love in their relationships at work will not be able to lead their congregations in demonstrating love in their relationships.

Since love and authority are necessary ingredients in God’s Kingdom, we need a way to think through those issues that does not involve the elimination of either. Here are four truths that help Christians embrace love and authority while serving together on a church staff.

Love Always Animates Employment Decisions

Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34). For ministry staff, these words mean that love must always animate our employment decisions.

Those working in vocational ministry never have an excuse to disobey this command by separating their “business decisions” from Christ’s mandate to love others. There are temptations to disobey this command on the part of bosses and those who report to them. Bosses can be tempted to the kind of hateful behavior that uses their authority to harshly mistreat others. Those who report to bosses can be tempted to live out a hateful spirit of envy that refuses to embrace the authority God has given to others and not to them.

Christ’s law of love calls us to replace both vindictiveness and envy with genuine attitudes of affection and acts of compassion to everyone with whom we serve.

Love Is Not the Same Thing as Giving Someone What They Want

Employees who have close relationships with their boss can experience a unique temptation. The temptation is to develop a subtle expectation that the boss will respond to your performance at work the same way he responds to your personal relationship in private. Such an expectation is wrong, unfair, and damaging.

Such an expectation runs the risk of what used to be called the “good ole boy” network. In such a network, the friends of the boss get special treatment, and others get overlooked. This is not love but sinful partiality. If you are friends with your boss, it is sinful and wrong for you to expect him to treat you in your role at work the way he behaves toward you in your status as his friend. Your friendship does not undo his responsibility before God to serve a constituency much larger than the two of you. You should pray for him to be faithful to the role God has given him and never expect preferential treatment as a condition of your relationship.

Love Does Not Eliminate Difficult Employee Decisions

A Christian boss who fully embraces the command to love others as he has been loved by Jesus will often agonize over a difficult decision to impose painful consequences on an employee they care about. This is as it should be. Our call to love means we do consider the feelings and responses of others and that we move very slowly before making a decision that will bring pain into someone’s life.

But everyone in Christian leadership must remember that the call to love includes more people than a single staff member. Those of us in ministry leadership don’t usually have the luxury of only considering what is desirable for one person, but must consider what is best for everyone. It is sinful for a leader to allow his friend to continue serving ineffectively to avoid relational tension. Of course, we must always correct slowly, with wisdom, and much care. But an ultimate refusal to make difficult decisions about our friends is a hateful act, even when it is intended as a demonstration of care.

Love Believes the Best

Working together is delightful when coworkers see eye to eye, when they are united in vision, and when they cherish mutual convictions. Working together is painful when coworkers start to function at cross purposes. When these disagreements happen, it is easy for people who work together to make matters worse by moralizing their own perspectives and equating disagreement on issues with dislike of an individual. This is not the way it should be.

The Apostle Paul says, “Love… believes all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). That means it’s loving to believe the absolute best of others. For those who serve as one in authority, that will mean that when evaluating someone who reports to us, we will not assume that ineffective work traces back to a defective character. There are a million reasons why a remarkable person and faithful servant might be functioning in the wrong spot. Those serving under the authority of someone must not assume that a hard decision points back to a hard heart. Most will never know the ways faithful leaders experience tremendous suffering in silence as they make decisions that are best for the ministry but which bring profound personal pain.

God’s Grace

It is beyond my ability to describe how grateful I am that the visiting pastor noticed the loving relationships on our team. Honestly, such love has not always been present at our church. That it is now is a demonstration of God’s grace to help us do the hard work of embracing both love and authority.